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Mr_Pete
Snarky
| Joined: | Thu Jun 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | New York USA |
| Posts: | 1000 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 12:54 am | 76th Post |
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This is a True phone call from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is actual Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. Now I know why they record these conversations!
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh! , it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too f*ing stupid to own a computer."
Attachment: 287155g.gif (Downloaded 136 times)
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hstrybuf
Founders
| Joined: | Sat Jun 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Kansas |
| Posts: | 21060 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 01:06 am | 77th Post |
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 Brain dead, totally brain dead!
____________________
Deb
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My pics: http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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planersedge
Charter Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 12:39 pm | 78th Post |
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ACCIDENT IN TEXAS
This is funny! Close your eyes and just picture what he is watching... It's even better than a
video clip. You've got to listen to this.
It's a phone call from a man in Texas who witnessed a car accident involving four elderly
women.
It was so popular when they played it on CHUM FM that they had to put it on their site. TURN
UP YOUR SOUND.....
http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf
PE
____________________
Purveyor of NCL information wherever it is needed
A bad day at sea is better than a good day at work!!
18 NCL cruises
25 cruises overall
next up NCL Pearl 4/4/08
after tht NCL Dawn 11/2/08 Repo Redux
and then NCL spirit 4/12/09
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OceanGirl
Founders
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 12:59 pm | 79th Post |
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:popcorn:
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DOLPHIN- A FREE roaming mammal found throughout the world's oceans. There are no confines large enough to justify CAPTIVITY.
http://www.inkokomo.com/dolphin/captivity.html
http://www.bluevoice.org/Videos/expose.mov
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TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 02:51 pm | 80th Post |
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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and
walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have
just one question about what I have seen in America."
President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."
The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it
there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is
Japanese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why
there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."
President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and
whispered back, it's because it takes place in the future.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 02:58 pm | 81st Post |
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Was she worth it????????
____________________
33 previous cruises..
Next up: Celebrity Solstice 1-09/Jewel of the Seas 3-09/ QM 2 11-09/ Queen Victoria 1/10
**Triangles Are For Losers!**
When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state"
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 7th, 2006 03:01 pm | 82nd Post |
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How about this birthday cake 
____________________
33 previous cruises..
Next up: Celebrity Solstice 1-09/Jewel of the Seas 3-09/ QM 2 11-09/ Queen Victoria 1/10
**Triangles Are For Losers!**
When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state"
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hstrybuf
Founders
| Joined: | Sat Jun 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Kansas |
| Posts: | 21060 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 8th, 2006 01:11 am | 83rd Post |
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| I'm crackin' up! Those old ladies have some fire!
____________________
Deb
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My pics: http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Fri Sep 8th, 2006 03:48 pm | 84th Post |
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damn, didn't come out right.
English
Chinese
That's not right
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man
Dum Fuk
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here
Wao So Dim
I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week
Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great
Fa Kin Su Pa
Last edited on Fri Sep 8th, 2006 03:48 pm by TheWog
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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hstrybuf
Founders
| Joined: | Sat Jun 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Kansas |
| Posts: | 21060 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 8th, 2006 11:32 pm | 85th Post |
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I haven't seen those before Paul! Pretty funny! 
____________________
Deb
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My pics: http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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Mr_Pete
Snarky
| Joined: | Thu Jun 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | New York USA |
| Posts: | 1000 |
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Posted: Tue Sep 12th, 2006 01:28 pm | 86th Post |
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A man came home screeching his car into the driveway and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!"
The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the hell out."
Last edited on Tue Sep 12th, 2006 01:51 pm by Mr_Pete
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 12th, 2006 02:02 pm | 87th Post |
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Now, that's funny!!!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!
____________________
33 previous cruises..
Next up: Celebrity Solstice 1-09/Jewel of the Seas 3-09/ QM 2 11-09/ Queen Victoria 1/10
**Triangles Are For Losers!**
When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state"
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Brangwen
Mosquito
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Posted: Tue Sep 12th, 2006 02:29 pm | 88th Post |
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THE RECIPE
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.
"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.
"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked.
"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow4 inches! You should try it."
Jim agrees and the two say good bye.
A few monthes later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.
Jim replied,"I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! - I lost two inches already!"
"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"
"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."
"Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed.
"Dammit, Jim, Crisco's shortening!!!!"
You gotta follow the recipe!!! 
____________________
~I'm the root of all that's evil, yeah but you can call me cookie~
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:20 am | 89th Post |
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you'll love this... and how did she do it??
http://www.goedbeterbest.nl/humor/temp/nudemagic.html
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:21 am | 90th Post |
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 born loser!
Attachment: window.jpg (Downloaded 66 times)
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:30 am | 91st Post |
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I loved this.... it took me back 15 years to my daughter doing this. And yes, I have the videos.... see what you've got to look forward to Pete!!!
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-5426933764767977068&hl=en-CA"> </embed>
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:33 am | 92nd Post |
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Doesn't need a preface, only panties and some MP
http://www.goedbeterbest.nl/humor/temp/naughtywoman.html
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Mr_Pete
Snarky
| Joined: | Thu Jun 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | New York USA |
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:35 am | 93rd Post |
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seawitches wrote: you'll love this... and how did she do it??
http://www.goedbeterbest.nl/humor/temp/nudemagic.html
Oh my!
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:42 am | 94th Post |
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrjuoJu8f5I
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seawitches
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 12:43 am | 95th Post |
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| ok folks sorry for all the filth tonight.... i won't post anymore..... well i'll try not to. i did see the humour in these....hee heee
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 01:17 am | 96th Post |
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| Where do you find these?
____________________
Deb
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My pics: http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 01:58 pm | 97th Post |
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The one of the guy taking the picture of the cat is hysterical!!! Funny, because I have one similar!!! My Dh was taking a pic of our cat sitting up on the bathroom vanity one morning when we were gettng our showers and getting dressed. It's a great shot of the cat lounging on the counter-top, and you can see my DH with the camera in the mirror naked as a jaybird! Obviously, we didn't put that one in the picture album!!!!! :angeldevil:
____________________
33 previous cruises..
Next up: Celebrity Solstice 1-09/Jewel of the Seas 3-09/ QM 2 11-09/ Queen Victoria 1/10
**Triangles Are For Losers!**
When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state"
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TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 03:59 pm | 98th Post |
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Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid
are on the playground at recess.
The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a
couple of inches longer.
Now not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far
the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth.
The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow that thing is huge!" they exclaim.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ... and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest penis."
"What kind of game is that, Enis?" says the mother.
"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our cranks, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?"
The Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three."
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
|
TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 04:00 pm | 99th Post |
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This is some serious stuff...Beer contains female
hormones.
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists
released the results of a recent analysis that
revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. And
suggested that men should take a concerned look at
their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops
contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough
beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer
each, within a 1 hour period. It was then observed
that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Last edited on Wed Sep 13th, 2006 04:01 pm by TheWog
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
|
TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 13th, 2006 04:02 pm | 100th Post |
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Fast Eddie....
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..." The girl looked at him, then said, "NO."
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened....?
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all nickels!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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